How To Be An All Star Parent

By Rob Gilbert, Ph. D.

Montclair State College

How do you define an all-star parent? Very simply, he or she is a parent who is a good sport and a great fan. To become an all-star parent of an athlete, there are times when you must stop parenting. When your son or daughter changes into uniform and becomes an athlete, you also have to change -- from parent to fan. Your job on the sidelines is not to be a parent, but to be your child's greatest fan.

There's no trick to learn here. You already know how to do this. Remember how you behaved when your baby was learning to walk? You were a fan and supporter, weren't you? You applauded the "downs" as well as the 'ups".

You never said things like,  "What's taking you so long?" "How come the kid down the street is walking better than you?" "Why do you keep making the same mistakes over and over again?" You were the world's most appreciative audience.

Why should it be different now that your child is an athlete? Your job is not to be the coach (unless you are the coach) or the expert. You are there so you can share the thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat -- together.

In fact, your child needs your support more in defeat than in victory. Did you ever notice that strangers feel free to come out of the stands and congratulate the winners? But, in defeat, sometimes the athlete's own teammates ignore her. As a parent, you have to be there to cushion the setbacks with positive, "we'll get  'em next time!" 

                                    THREE "B's" FOR ALL STAR PARENTING

1.      BE THERE

2.      BE POSITIVE

3.      BE SEATED

BE THERE -- You can never hope to be an all-star parent unless you show up at the games. Regardless of the skill level of your child or success of the team -- go to the games. Be supportive. Don't be a fickle, fair--weather fan.

BE POSITIVE -- On the sidelines, if you can't say something positive, don't say anything at all. Nothing good comes from negative statements, and nothing negative comes from positive ones. If you can't be positive, at least be silent.

BE SEATED -- Even though it's good to be positive, it's not good to overdo it. Don't stick out. Be an admirer.

Once you start to become a positive, acknowledging fan, an interesting thing may happen. Your child will want you at the games. When this happens, you will know that you are considered to be an important member of your child's personal all-star support team.